Postponing THE MOVE again...

How many times can I post-pone my inevitable move to Colorado? Apparently one more time. Oh well, while I am here I should make the best of it. My next adventure is to move into a condo in Rancho Bernardo with two other women who I don't know.

This should be an adventure...

Since most of my friends are christian, I will mention the two things immediatly wrong with this right off the bat. One, I am moving in with two worldly people. Two, I am moving in with two women. I suppose the fact that I am going into this situation without a second thought, is a good indication of how far removed from mainstream Christianity I am. I could care less about my position with the norm, as long as I am not shifting from God's norm.

Man, I really want to be in Colorado......

If the wickedness of man is a stench to me, how much more so to God.

If we are washed clean with the blood of Jesus, why do we continue to smell?

Perhaps our white robes have this amazing property that keeps all BO tucked away.

Don't know how or why our sins are covered. Just glad they are.

It's a good thing God's ways are higher than ours. If they were not, we'd all burn.

Blessed is the man toward whom the LORD does not hold his sin against him.

It has been a while since I last felt love, and even longer since I last felt anger. Few people really know me, and fewer still have seen me angry. I think it prudent to write down my thoughts.

Anger feels good, really really good. Actually, any emotion at all is good.

Being the philosophical sort, I can't help but to see the irony of the object lesson. I was having a discussion with my roommate over whether the motives of an individual invalidates what they are talking about. It is my position that words are true regardless of who says them, or their motives. My roommate essentially hold to the doctrine that the motivations of the speaker must be right before the words spoken are heard. Fast forward 2 minutes, and me and my roommate are almost at blows over a ridiculous matter. After I am already pissed off, he procedes to spiritually abuse me. I have never had the Bible thrown at me before by someone lacking integrity. I felt a surge of destain toward everthing he believes in and everything he holds. It was nothing more than word vomit. My first reaction was to invalidate the Bible because someone obviously in the wrong was quoting scripture to justify himself. This seems to be the first reaction, even though I had just gotten through saying that that the words are true regardless of the speaker. This my seem hypocritical at first glance, but it is really just the difference between emotional truth and rational truth. Anger is an emotion, and out of it comes emotional truth. I still hold to my position, but now I understand that this is only because my dominant trait is reason. The jury is still out on the question if emotional truth is truth at all... It does shed some light on why my roommate acts the way he does - and why I act the way I do.

Indeed my relationship with my roommate is analygous to my struggle with the relationship between faith and reason. Funny how things relate to eachother.

Life is a matter of perspective

According to Einstein, the passage of time is relative.

The way we view many things in life, such as time, depend a great deal on perspective(or a lack of). There are a couple of issues when dealing with a matter of perspective. I like to visualize perspective as looking at an object in space. The object is the "facts" and for the sake of assumption, are not subject to change. One part of perspective is how much of the object you are looking at. Another, is how finely you can make out the details of the object. A twist comes into play by the fact that you look at the object through a filter. This can happen if you put on yellow glasses when you look at the object. You only see yellow because your glasses are filtering out all the other colors.

My perspective on God has changed due to a couple of factors. Suffice it to say I tried to look at the object in more detail. In order to do that, I had to move closer. When I moved closer, I lost sight of much of the object. OOPS...

My perspective on other parts of life has changed only by donning a pair of yellow glasses. I don't like yellow, so I am taking them off. I don't know what color I would like to replace them old yellow glasses with, but I need a change.

A new address - a new focus

Want to know something sad? Tt took me some months to realize that I had misspelled Christian in my former blog address. It is a surprisingly good metaphor for my life in the last 2 years.

January 2004: I made a decision that would effectively remove the stone walls that protected my faith. I wanted to see if my faith would stand or fall. My faith fell with a speed that stunned me. As I watched it start to crumble, I tried desperatly to halt the decay - to no avail. Nothing remains of the faith of my youth but dust and ashes. This is not a pretty sight, and I would not wish this on anyone. A grevious evil under the sun. As it says in the Bible, Satan has sifted me like wheat. Much of my former faith, like the chaf, blew away under the stiff east wind. I am but a shadow of my former self.