Interesting....

Now what was that sort of hole man has gotten himself into? He has tried to set up on his own, to behave as if he belonged to himself. In other words, fallen man is not just an imperfect creature who needs improvement: he is a rebel who must lay down his arms. Laying down your arms, surrendering, saying you're sorry, realizing you have been on the wrong track and getting ready to start life over again from the ground floor - that is the only way out of a 'hole.' This process of surrender - this movement full speed astern - is what Christians call repentance...

...Only a bad person needs to repent: only a good person can repent perfectly. The worse you are the more you need it and the less you can do it. The only person who could do it perfectly would be a perfect person - and he would not need it.

- C.S. Lewis

Where does this come in? Not too long ago, I felt like I was truly a good person. Being an inherently suspicious person, I was suspicious of this feeling. I really didn't think I was a good person, but I honestly couldn't see anything bad. My conclusion was that I just was not seeing something I should. My solution: pray and ask God to open my eyes to the true condition of my soul. Note to self: DON'T DO THAT EVER AGAIN. The really strange thing about being raised a Christian is that you can sort of 'see' what you are doing as you walk down a path that leads you further from God and further into sin. It is really odd, because the Christian part(the spirit) starts to object to the direction you are heading, and yet is powerless to stop the body from moving down that path. Kind of like an 'out of body' experience. So much for that feeling of being a good person...

The interesting question is this: Did I become a bad person, or was I just more aware of what was going on? I don't really know, and it doesn't really matter right now.

The reality is what used to be only an abstract thought is now real and in the flesh. The abstract thought was the typical Christian doctrine of the need for repentance. Well, it's no longer abstract. I liked it better when it was. Ignorance is truly bliss. While the unexamined life is not worth living, the examined life is no picnic either(Robert Fulgrahm).